It’s just a market for melons…oops I mean…lemons!

This post is targeted at Russian Super-models above 21 yrs of age, Brunettes who can play the guitar and sing like Alanis Morissette or Dido, Indian Classical Dancers who hold economics degrees and the NGO/theater-ethnic dressing firebrand felines with Kohl rimmed eyes
Ladies and Gentlemen: Let’s play a game called the Most Eligible Bachelor!!

 First up, we have:

 Bachelor No 1: Mr T.A Klaus!

Mr T.A. Klaus!

 

Mr T.A Klaus popularly known as Takla .

Mechanical Marmaduke. Robot Dancer. Wild Child.

The coolest thing to hit Earth after the Ice Age.

Currently, he is doing his Research in Robot Dancing at Delaware University in the U.S. of A.

Most famous quote:

“I am wondering whether to have one more serving of rice, as that might lead to a more than necessary proportion of solid excreta”

Current Status: SINGLE

 Bachelor no 2: Amit Ambre a.k.a the Dombivili Don

DOMBIVILI DON!!!

 

The Original Maratha Warrior. A Member of the Blackberry Bourgeoisie.The Dombivili Don.

His tummy popularly known as the GOLDMAN SAC is the symbol of corporate greed.

A PGP Student at IIM-Calcutta. Knows all about futures (both forwards and backwards) but still uncertain about his. Swears by the Dabbawallahs and his financial calculator.

His Dream: To re-enact the scene from the movie Satya at Nariman Point,wherein The Dombivili Don clad in his undies clutching a bottle of JD yells out to the Arabian Sea:”Mumbai ka King Kaun?? Amit Ambre”.

Most Famous Quote (often heard in the corridors of NIT Calicut):

“Abbey M#@$r Chod!  Takla Darwaza khol!!!

Status: SINGLE

 Bachelor No 3: Venky Wetfingers (don’t ask me why!!)

Venky Wetfingers the Marathon Man!

The alpha male. The Singam (read as: lion) of Singara Chennai. The quintessential Tam-Bram.

His poonal (the holy thread), a symbol of purity. Retired Blogger. Jammer par excellence.

Grapher of Photos. (I don’t care if it is grammatically unsound, it suits the rhythm im in).

Closet Economist. Formerly, A connoisseur of Lubricants at BPCL. Now employed with an NGO and an ISB aspirant.

Marathon Man. Loves running, infact when chased by an angry group of women at Chennai Central for eve-teasing he remarked while taking to his heels :“Running is the best thing that has happened to me”

Most famous quote:

Venky: “Chutney….”

Me: “Yes Macha…tell me.??”

Venky :” I’m in Love….”

Me : “who is it Macha..?(Shifting uncomfortably unsure of his advances)

Long pensive pause building up the intensity

Venky;” I’m in love with ECONOMICS!”

I run to the nearest wall to bang my head against.

Status: SINGLE

Three perfectly eligible bachelors. Three movers and shakers who I my opinion need no match makers. Yet, Single!!

Ladies why do you fail to make the simplest of choices. I understand that matching skirts and tops can amount to a national emergency but these three bachelors are like real estate, their value would only appreciate with time, they classify as sound investments.

  I was perplexed by the ways of life. Every question has an answer. Every answer has an equally ludicrous question. DeepThought computed the Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything as 42. (Read: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy).There has to be an answer to this question as well. I just have to wait till the answer unravels itself like a 6in chicken teriyaki sub does from its wrapping foil.

The answer struck me like a hammer while I was staring at the seemingly mangy beard of my Economics Professor.

ASSYMETRIC INFORMATION LEADING TO ADVERSE SELECTION.

THE MARKET FOR LEMONS THEORY!!!!!!!

The market for melons!

 What is asymmetric information?

It defines a situation where there is imperfect knowledge in the market. In particular it occurs where one party has lesser information in comparison to the other.

Eg: when selling a car, the owner is likely to have full knowledge about its service history and likelihood to break down. The potential buyer, by contrast, will be in the dark and he may not be able to trust the car salesman.

Ladies, this is the primary cause of all your misery. The fact that you are ignorant of the various qualities of our perfectly eligible bachelors leads to an unfavorable choice referred to as Adverse Selection. i.e you pick the Jackasses with the fake accents  ,converse sneakers and pea-sized brains over smart, savvy and suave young men like the above mentioned bachelors and later when the deal goes sour you resort to your patented fashion statement “All men are Bastards!”.

 Now let us try and understand how you ladies end up with Adverse Selection (In other words how you end up dating a Jackass) using the analogy of Used Cars.

Let us consider the market for used cars. An owner of a used car that is well maintained (referred to as a plum) would expect a high resale value in comparison to an owner of a poorly maintained used car (referred to as a lemon). Now the buyer is not aware of the condition of the Car, hence cannot distinguish a good car from a bad one.

Let us say that the owner of a plum would expect a return of Rs 40,000 on sale. In comparison the owner of a lemon would charge Rs 20,000.The Buyer is unaware of what amount he has to spend so he assumes all cars are average i.e. he expects a 50% probability of finding a plum or a lemon. Hence the price he is willing to pay amounts to (40000*0.5) + (20000*0.5) = Rs30, 000.

As a consequence,the owner of a good car is not interested in selling as he will not get a good price for it. Hence only lemons i.e. bad cars will be sold. Now that the buyer realizes that he is only getting lemons, he lowers his price further as he is now only willing to pay the price of a lemon. In short a bad product drives a good product out of the market.

Now, ladies let us apply the above reasoning to our predicament.

Our Bachelors are like the Bentleys and Maybachs. They don’t advertise. (When was the last time you saw a Bentley or Maybach Hoarding?).Ladies, you might label this behavior as being shy or snooty. The truth of the matter is, THEY ARE PLUMS and they expect some substantial effort from your end to seal the deal.

Ladies, The lemons are a dime a dozen. I mean the roads are dotted with Mercs and Skodas. The lemons are gonna shine their bling and do their thing. The sad part is you don’t even have to try hard. But, remember an average effort will only land you a lemon.

Now, how do identify a plum from a lemon and do away with this asymmetric information bullcrap??

The answer is SIGNALLING.

Signaling, simply put refers to methods employed to help reduce the impact of asymmetric information that leads to adverse selection.

For eg: A manufacturer of quality electronics offers a warranty because he knows that his goods are durable and the cost of servicing would not impact his profits. In contrast, the “made in china” smartphone won’t offer any warranties as their goods Suck!!!

In short, the plums are signaling to you

So ladies my advice is watch out for the Signals.

They may be in various forms as demonstrated by our very Eligible Bachelors!!

Signal No1: the Lusty look!!

Signal No 2: Into my Sweaty-arm(pits) manoevre

Signal No 3:The bedroom eyes and bathroom nose!

 So there you have it folks!! ASSYMETRIC INFORMATION!!!
It is the foundation on which social hierarchy is based.  It is the reason why Facebook works.It is the reason why Mark Zuckerberg is a Billionaire. It is the reason why our stud –boy bachelors are not dating Russian Super-models above 21 yrs of age, Brunettes who can play the guitar and sing like Alanis Morissette or Dido, Indian Classical Dancers who hold economics degrees and the NGO/theater-ethnic dressing firebrand felines with Kohl rimmed eyes.
It is the reason why I am writing this post!!